Substance use can have a huge impact on relationships. In some relationships, when there is one or partner(s) using or abusing substances or alcohol, there may be some turbulence. However, for LGBTQ+ partners, using substances may come with a unique set of challenges. This concern has been a highly stigmatized subject for many years, avoided by all sides of the conversation. Luckily, today, by openly and honestly discussing these topics, we can help people feel less alone and get the help they deserve. That’s why, in the rest of this article, we’ll cover practical tips and strategies for LGBTQ+ partners with substance use.
The Role of Unique Stressors in LGBTQ+ Communities
Substance use may stem from deeper problems. For many LGBTQ+ individuals, substance use can be related to the discrimination they encounter daily, the potential rejection they’ve experienced from their family or friends, or, in some cases, internalized shame. The first step for LGBTQ+ partners with substance use is to recognize how these external pressures influence their behavior. Discussing these stressors together as partners can help you understand how these societal or cultural pressures might be impacting one or many of you.
For example, has one of you experienced workplace discrimination, or do you face family tensions during the holidays? These stressors can make feelings of anxiety or depression worse and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance use. On the other hand, open dialogue about these factors can help you identify triggers and work together to find healthier ways to cope.
Establish Open Communication
Relationships require honesty. When you or your partner(s) have substance use or addiction, you need to create a safe space to discuss your concerns without the fear of judgment. For instance, you can use “I” statements to avoid placing blame on your partner(s). As an example, it would be much more productive to say, “I feel worried when I see you drink a lot,” instead of saying something that can seem judgy, like: “You’re drinking too much.”
Furthermore, listening is another productive practice when it comes to judgment-free, healthy communication. In most cases, it’s just as important as speaking. When you’re speaking to your partner(s), train your ears to listen to the deeper pain and mental health struggles that might be causing or worsening their substance use. Finally, make sure they feel heard by validating their feelings and offering them your support.
Access Resources for Mental Health
As we already covered, mental health plays a huge role in substance use. To address substance use and start their recovery journey, many people require adequate mental health support. Luckily, there are plenty of resources available, such as:
- Therapeutic Approaches – There are evidence-based therapies, like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which are effective for managing substance use, emotional regulation, and co-occurring mental health conditions. Trauma-focused therapies can also be transformative for those whose substance use is tied to past experiences.
- Online Directories – Websites like OutCare Health list providers with experience in LGBTQ+ mental health.
- Hotlines and Chat Services – Organizations such as 988 and Trans Lifeline provide 24/7 support through phone or online chat for individuals in crisis.
- Employer Assistance Programs (EAPs) – If available, your workplace may offer EAPs that include access to mental health support resources tailored to your needs.
- Family Therapy – For partners or families navigating substance use together, family therapy can help improve communication, resolve conflicts, and build stronger support systems.
Find LGBTQ+ Inclusive Support Services
When someone’s struggling with conditions such as substance use, the best thing for them is to surround themselves with people who understand them. For LGBTQ+ individuals and partners with substance use, it’s essential to find support services that recognize their unique experiences. The best way to find these services is to search for addiction treatment centers, counselors, or support groups that explicitly welcome and affirm LGBTQ+ clients. These services take into account the specific challenges LGBTQ+ individuals face, such as experiencing societal stigma or navigating gender identity disparities.
If one or partner(s) are hesitant to attend in-person groups, you can also find virtual options. Online communities like LGBTQ+ specific AA meetings and OutCare Health can provide a sense of belonging and understanding that’s critical to recovery.
Create a Shared Plan for Recovery
One of the best strategies for LGBTQ+ partners with substance use is to develop a recovery plan that respects the relationship(s) while acknowledging individual responsibilities. This plan could include:
- Boundaries – The plan should define clear boundaries around substance use. For example, set up rules not to bring alcohol into the home or to avoid events that involve heavy drinking. Also, try to define what “heavy drinking” means to you so that there are not misunderstandings.
- Agree on steps for accountability – You should discuss how you’ll hold each other accountable. You can do it through regular check-ins, attending therapy together, or supporting individual recovery efforts.
- Share goals – Recovery can feel isolating, so consider setting shared goals. These could range from improving physical health to saving for a shared vacation as a reward for milestones.
Find Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Replacing substance use with healthier coping strategies is essential for long-term recovery. As partners, you should explore activities that bring you joy, allow for rest and relaxation, or strengthen your connection. Great examples could include physical activities like hiking, yoga, or dance classes. These phenomenal options help you stay active and connected to each other. Alternatively, you could try finding creative outlets by painting, cooking, or playing music together. Finally, you can embark on a mindfulness journey and practice meditation together. By discovering new ways to cope together, you’re not only building healthier habits but also strengthening your emotional connection.
Celebrate All Wins, No Matter How Small
Recovery is never a linear process. Setbacks can feel unbelievably discouraging. That’s why you and your partner(s) must start acknowledging those small victories like attending the support group meeting or going through a week without using substances for relief. Some milestones deserve more than just being simply acknowledged. Celebrate the occasion with a special date night or a heartfelt note if your partner(s) achieves a month of sobriety. These gestures can feel affirming and reinforce the idea that recovery is something you’re tackling together.
Don’t Give Up
Here’s the thing you may not know: relapses don’t necessarily mean failure. It’s not over. While it might feel like the end, you shouldn’t feel discouraged if you or your partner(s) experience a relapse. Instead, try to look at it as if it’s a perfectly normal part of the recovery journey. Moreover, the simple way you respond to it can make all the difference. For instance, the best way is to treat it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Together, you should discuss what led to the relapse and explore ways to prevent similar occurences in the future.
In Conclusion
LGBTQ+ partners with substance abuse have a lot on their hands. As if battling substance use isn’t enough, they have to do it while also experiencing stigma and discrimination. While the journey to recovery is undoubtedly challenging, it’s also an opportunity to grow closer and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Remember, even as partners, you’re not alone in this; there are communities of people and resources ready to help you all succeed.
Author’s Bio: Rowan Woods is a content writer and LGBTQ+ mental health advocate. She’s passionate about creating inclusive spaces and amplifying underrepresented voices through her work. She lives in Brooklyn with her partner and their two cats.
Resources:
https://nida.nih.gov/research-topics/lgbtqi-people-and-substance-use
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/lgbtqiapk-addiction/lgbtq-drug-addiction-substance-abuse
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7002176/
https://www.lgbtqiahealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Keuroghlian-Addictions-Webinar.pdf
Photo: https://www.pexels.com/photo/women-with-gay-pride-body-paint-4557464/